Combat Queer Online

About How I Feel About America

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZiRiIpZVF4&feature=related

Compared to what we could have, both politically and timeframewise...

Well, I'm still thankful for America.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And, yes, the depictions of Japanese people in WWII propaganda is horrible. I'm glad we come far enough as a nation to have our cartoons make rape jokes instead of racial ones. Or at least, in addition to. Seriously though, who thinks Quagmire is funny?

Things I'm Thankful For

My family who love me.

My friends who fascinate me.

My church that keeps me.

And my God keeps it all going.

Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone. My life is better that I deserve.

BREAKUP OF THE CENTURY

OH GODS! Oh Lord, how could something like this happen in a just universe? How could this come to an end? They... they were made for each other, they always seemed so in love! What will they be without each other?

And they warned us, they warned us that the election of Barak Obama would endanger marriages, and now we have out proof! Oh gods...

I'm of course talking about... this. 

That's right folks, it's over for Hannity and Colmes. Here what Colmes has to say, "Although it's bittersweet to leave one of the longest marriages on cable news, I'm proud that both Sean (Hannity) and I remained unharmed after sitting side by side, night after night for so many years."

Wow, that was... that was tender. I really hope in their final episodes we get some good shots of them looking longingly at each other, both aware that it will never be the same, 

both aware that they will never find another love as strong,

as that of Hannity,

and that of Colmes.

Awesome New Computer Blues

So, I have an amazing new laptop. It makes me ridiculously happy. It does everything yo could ever hope for a computer to do. It has a word processor, it can play music, it can show movies, and it allows me type anywhere I desire with an amazing battery. Oh, also it runs a Super Nintendo Emulator awesome.

But there's a downside(And no, not the price tag. I went into this know it was going to cut into my malt liquor and comic books budget *sob*). No, I foolishly left my warm, beautiful home for frozen Liberal Ice ox without bringing my external hard drive. I have none of my files. Now, I'm surviving fine without access to my collected essays from college and my digital "Miracle Man" comic(which we'll be talking about here soon) but what I'm really missing in my music collection. I was just going to grab it off my iPod, as these things happen, I accidently wiped it when I charging it off the new laptop.

So now I must rebuild. I've already downloaded "Video Killed the Radio Star"(in a wholly legal way, for realz). But where do I go from here? Within the next month or so I'll be able to get my old data, so I don't really feel like putting too much effort into getting what I already have, but folks, I need some music.

Suggestions?   

More On Passing

So my last post? I was a little freaked out when I wrote it. I was working the Transgender Day of Remembrance service at my church.(Why does my church have a TDoR service? Because the Episcopal Church is amazing.) I was amazing by the level of community support. Hundreds of people turned up, many from within the trans population, many from outside of it.

A lot of the trans women who came, they could not easily pass as cis. Talking to them, I heard a lot about a world of fear, of violence, and of threats of violence. Then the service started. As part of it, we read the names of the trans folk who hav been murder in the past year. It was a long, long list. 

And I kinda freaked. I excused myself, and hid and wrote, as is my habit. 

Look, I wish I were a better person than I am. I wish that I could summon up great reserves of strength and confidence and be able to, in all situations, be able to present my full honest self and be perfectly happy with whatever response I got. Unfortunately, I am a bit of a worm. Maybe in a few million years I might have a backbone, but at the moment I am desperate for the approval of the world. I want people to like me. I want to be beautiful. I want people to be nice to be just because of looks. I want to have an easier time in life because I'm the sort of person who other people hope like them. 

It's awful. It's a weakness.

Can I pass? Sort of. Even after having been on HRT for months, I've seen very little development. I have light skin and dark hair, so even after shaving I really have to cake the foundation on to have any hope of not looking like I need a razor. My voice is distinctly male. I often worry that I'll never be able to convince the world of the truth of who I am. 

So it's hard, and I'm weak and kind of immoral.

Fortunately, I am surrounded by wonderful people who love me(The reasons? I can't begin to imagine) 

Anyway, here's the point. The need to pass as a cis-woman is another sign of the power of oppressive normalism, and fighting it is a Good Thing. Not passing, though, often makes one a target of Bad Things. Now, do the oppressive gender standards of the world excuse my vanity?  

Probably not. but maybe in the end it'll all work out, and we can be forgiven not being as removed from the world as we might be. 

From The Transgender Day of Remembrance Service

Oh fuck, oh fuck. I swear, if you ever want to freak out a nice young tranny, put her in a room with a bunch of oldler, awkward trans-women who are very obviously not cis-gendered. Make that nice, caring(for reals! I swear I has compassion! I swears!) consider the possibility of lurching through her life completely and totally unable to pass for her choosen gender. Make her imagine spending her entire life as a curiosity.

Then talk about violence against trans people for an hour or so.

If you're lucky, NYT will just run away, possibly fuck around on her brand new laptop for a few minutes, feel bad about being such a horrible person, and return to the room all smiles and understanding.

But oh fuck, there's a temptation to just keep running.

...

And yes, I'm absolutely aware this makes me look transphobic. And for fuck sakes, I probably am a little bit. But friend, I tell you more than anything else, it's like hanging out with my grandfather after he really got hit with the Alzheimer's. It's not just how bad it was for him, and God knows it was awful, but it's also that it's like looking into the future and seeing a doom coming.

Now, of course, I'm aware I'm being awful. Many of these women are wonderful people. But friend, it's fucking scary to be faced with the idea that you'll never be socially acceptable. And yes, social pressures are tools of the Empire, and yes, with Christ we should be able to free ourselves of all that junk, but friend, don't you think for a moment that it's easy.

Anyway, I'm going to get back to the vigil.

Probably A Little Late In The Game

So I'm doing this thing.

That's right, National Novel Writing Month. I stared this afternoon. And yes, I am well aware that I've got eleven days to do what would be difficult to do in thirty. The goal is 50,000 words. I think I can reach it if I work really hard. Why? Well, it'd be a cool thing to do, and the next thing work-wise isn't really showing up until after Thanksgiving. 

I may not make it, but I'm going to try. While this may negatively effect the blog, I'll probably just fill in by post bits from the 50,000 words. 

So, who's excited?

Yeah, I'll talk about something more important later

So, here's the thing. I want a Sinestro Corps baby doll tee. Yes, I'm a giant nerd. And yes, I want a t-shirt that will show off my boobs. But, you know what I don't want? I don't want a freaking rhinestone thing. Rhinestones? Rhinestones! Damn it DC, you know I love you, but fucking things(of various sorts), produce an attractive shirts for girls. 

I wants me a Sinestro Corps T that shows off my boobs. It's be great.

Liberal Icebox, Pt 2

So, after the adventure of the political campaign, I have returned to my beautiful Liberal Icebox. Yes, this city may not be my native home, but I've missed it in a way  I've only missed home before. Sadly, I'll only be here for a few short months, and then I'll be deploying off to the sandbox.

In these few months, I'll have a measure of freedom. While I've been working away to get the right people into office, well, changes have been happening. My body is not yet unmistakably female, I certainly have no problem passing for a man when I need to, but thanks to the months on HRT, I am coming closer and closer to being able to live my life out.

While up here in LI, I'm going to be as out as I can. It going to be an experience.

I'm working in a church community where there are a strangely high percentage of former Evangelical queers in their mid-20's. I'm excited about working with this group to follow the Lord, and also to work with them to explore what it means to have grown up Evangelical.

I wonder, if Evangelicalism something that can be fully escaped? Is it something that needs to be? Why is it that so many young Evangelical queers head for the Epsicopals?

Hopefully I'll find some answers, and if I do, I'll share them.

Here's to a new adventure,

The Combat Queer

This Again?

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/11/13/man.pregnant.again.walters/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

 

Damn it, this isn’t the sort of news coverage that helps trans folks. Look, I’m really happy that y’all are married and having a family and all that, and I wish all four of you the best of luck, but seriously, why do you keep taking this to the media?

Every single time we get a news story about a trans person, it’s always something like “Individual Claiming To Be Of One Gender Does Something Demonstrative Of The Other Gender.” Everyone gets it. Transfolk have biological bits indicative of both genders. It happens. There's no other meat to this story except the, "hey, look

at the weirdos" angle.

The only reason that we have stories like these is that they send home the message that the whole trans thing is just a put on, a costume, a fraud. They send the message that trans people are just pretending to be the gender that they choose for themselves instead of actually being that gender. It also sends the message that trans people are strange, perverted individuals out to trick Real True Americans.

For the other trans folks, the ones who aren’t out there working to blur gender lines in the most public way possible, it makes it more difficult to be accepted as normal. There’s always the idea that the “real you” is not the person being presented.  

I know it’s a lot of fun to have people say your name and show your picture on the television, but seriously, I demand that the next big news story about a trans person about something other than the biological process of reproduction, and how trannies weird it up.

I want this nonsense to stop.