Hey remember when America's economy collapsed? If you've been wondering what America's president has been doing about it(when not dodging shoes), well, he was hammering out the script for this doggy-based nightmare.
And when I say nightmare, I mean that I'll be waking up at 2am tomorrow morning screaming about a tiny, poorly animated scotty dog winning the Olympics.
Anyway, the Bush family levity has got me thinking about one of the greatest holiday traditions, avoiding the extended family for a few hours via watching a Christmas movie. This'll be a list of, let's say, my top twelve favorite Christmas movies. Twelve for the tribes of Israel, the disciples, the months... the Olympians? No wait, that's not a Christmas thing
Will I be able to think of twelve Christmas movies I like? Will I be able to think of twelve Christmas movies? Will cut off early, and edit down the number before putting this post up on the blog? Anything could happen.
Anyway, the list:
12) A Muppet Christmas Carol - Now dear reader, I am well aware of the manifold Muppets Christmas specials. Those Muppets, they're always getting caught in a blizzard with the fraggles or Big Bird or John Denver. They even put a new one out this year, although it was entirely empty of a soul or any but the blandest of meanings or messages.
But Muppet Christmas Carol? Fine movie version of the Dickens. It plays into what makes the Muppets themselves. What really makes it work for me is the sad but hopeful Kermit as Bob Cratchit. Rarely can the image of a puppet facing the early death of his son be so moving. You'd never catch Kermit reminding the audience of who made crippled beggars walk and blind men see in this year's Uma Thurman heavy nonsense.
11) National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - Do I really need to explain?
10) Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the RIng: Extended Edition - Man, is there a better way to avoid the fundamentalist aunt and uncle for four hour? The extended version of the first third of LotR is beautiful. While the second two movies are, of course, also fantastic, I alway felt like the extended versions of those were worse than the normal versions. the story lagged, the characters stood around, looked at each other. They just, well, the editors did a fine job getting them down to about three hours. Fellowship of the RIng, though, the movie makes more sense. You have all the heros in one place, the story does flit off into too many tangents. It's a fine, fine movie.
9) A Claymation Christmas - When I was little I'd watch this with my dad. Both of always been sort of fascinated by stop motion animation, and this is a neat example of it. Also, hey, California Raisons singing Christmas songs.
8) Transformers: The Movie - The 1986 version, thank you very much. My favorite movie as a child, my younger siblings and cousins seem to like it, so yeah, it's gonna get watched in the next few days.
7) Gremlins - If a midnight showing of Gremlins isn't a standard Christmas tradition yet, it really should be. It's a trashy movie lover's Christmas movie(in that it's for lovers of trashy movies and for trashy lovers of movies). The monsters, little more than ugly Loony Tunes characters, attack on Christmas Eve, the mean spirited banker gets catapulted out of a second story window, a badass mom kills a couple of the little green men with both a blender and a microwave. Really folks, what more do you want out of you holiday movies?
(Halfway there. I'm pretty pleased with the list so far. I mean, sure, National Lampoon's in on there, but it's a fine movie, and I'm trying)
6) Pan's Labyrinth - Now I hear you saying, "CombatQueer, Pan's Labyrinth is in no way a Christmas movie. It doesn't even get the childhood magic pass that Transformers does. That movie came out like two years ago. If I, the fine and studious reader, let you get away with such nonsense this time, who know what morally bankrupt directions with blog will go spinning off in." Well dear reader, you know I can't really argue with you. Thing is, this story of the abused Spanish girl imagining a gloriously dangerous fantasy world is of such high quality, I feel like it can and should be watched whenever. Also, hey, there's a big to do over a baby. That's kinda Christmasy, right?
5) Waterworld - Twice, twice God help me, the stars have aligned to prevent from having a single cool thing to do on New Year's eve, and I've gotten stuck watching Waterworld with my cousins. And yes, dear reader, I know it's not a Christmas memory, but hey, holiday memory, and I've got to hold to good stuff in reserve for further down the list.
Actually, I can't think of a single clip from this movie that anyone should ever need or want to watch. Give that, here's a clip from "The Life and Adventures of Santa Clause" the oddest Christmas movie I've ever seen.
Ok, that counts as #5, not Waterworld. Just pretend Waterworld was never on this list.
4) Christmas With the Joker - The episode of Batman: The Animated Series when Robin's trying to get Batman to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" because it's Christmas. Basically, Robin thinks that people will stop doing harm to each other for Christmas, but Batman wants to go out on patrol anyway. Robin is annoyed at Batman's lack of faith in the common man, and Batman is annoyed that Robin has failed to notice that they spend all their time trying to prevent the common man from murdering his neighbor for a few bucks. The Joker's just being an ass.
The Joker escapes Arkham Asylum, holds Gotham ransom. Batman saves the day, but decides to believe in a humanity a little bit, for the sake of Christmas. Yay for everyone. This episode came early in the series run, back when animated Gotham was nothing but an art deco dreamscape. The whole place seems to be a run down 1940s version of the future. Though he did some fine work of "Justice League Bruce Timm has never quite managed to top what he was able to do in those early days of BtAS.
3) Independence Day - Oh wait no, that's a 4th of July movie, and it isn't very good.
2) It's A Wonderful Life - What am I, made of stone? As some have pointed out, "It's A Wonderful Life" is actually a lot darker than people remember it being. Also, I don't know what it is, but something about that movie seems familiar...
And finally
1) A Charlie Brown Christmas - Oh man, nobody could articulate sadness, alienation, feelings of failure, and the hope of Christ quite like Charles Schultz. Charlie Brown despairs at the state of the world with its selfishness, greed, and consumerism, but well, he still finds hope.
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