What's Going On

So, as you may have noticed if you're a regular reader of this blog, I haven't put much up lately about military stuff or trans stuff. You might be wondering what the deal is. That would be natural.

Basically, I'm counting down the days to the beginning of my deployment. It's getting pretty freaking close, but I'm having teeny tiny panic attacks here and there. I spend a great deal of time worrying about whether or not I'm making the best possible use of my time. It's tons of fun

Because of my current, vaguely panicked state, I haven't been thinking too hard about military stuff. Or rather, I have, but in the back of my mind, in that place where it keeps you up at night but it doesn't make for interesting writing. Every time I start to read a news story about the war, I starting thinking, "Oh fuck, I'm going to be over there right quick, wouldn't it be a better use of my time to go hang out with somebody I love? Would it be a better use f time to grab a few good comics, take a long lunch at my favorite dinner and enjoy the world a little? Really, isn't it true that I should be using as much of my energy as possible to romance one or two beautiful queer girls?"

And I don't write about the military.

And the trans things? Well, I'm dealing the fact that I'm going to have to cut out of the transition right here directly, stop becoming more and more female as the days pass, and that worries me also. Is my beard going to come back? Is my face going to take on a harsher, more manly look? Is there anything I can do to stop it? Fuck fuck fuck, why hasn't Obama addressed trans folks in the military yet. 

And then, as that spiral of thoughts turns downward, I have trouble breathing, and feel the need to go hammer at the sheet of ice on the sidewalk in front of my building some more.

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So yeah, tick tock tick tock, the deployments getting closer. Before too long, there will be delightful little stories from the war to keep you informed and entertained. I'll be doing all sorts of hard reading, so get ready to feel smart after reading about Sufi poets, philosophers, scientists, all the great things that school can try to teach you, but can rarely make interesting.

Oh fuck, here that all comes.

Be praying for this poor queer.

Comments

[Thel]

May all manner of things be well with you.

[CP]

praying for you