King James Version Nonsense

So, at my unit today I had to listen to a couple of people argue about which version of the Bible they liked the best. 

Shock of shocks, the fellow who was getting the most excited and angry about this argument? He was all about some King James Version, the KJV. Let's call him Jim-Vo(yeah, it's a lame pun, but dear reader, I am tired and have to get up and go back to work soon. Forgive me).

It was pretty astounding. Jim-Vo recited this elaborate myth the "(his) preacher had told (him)" about how "the church scholars" had read all the different manuscripts, and how there had been all these differences, but then they prayed, and then suddenly, they *all* knew which manuscripts were true and they knew the right way to translate them, meaning that the KJV was a perfect divinely inspired document in English.

Now, I try not to get into religion arguments in the Army. They don't go healthy places. Because of that, I didn't ask Jim-Vo too many questions to clarify his position. 

Now, for me this is a weird situation. You have a Southern Baptist talking about Anglican scholars having a direct like to Almighty God. How often does that happen? What could be wrong with it? Right?

Sadly, no.

Here's the thing. Whenever I hear somebody going crazy about the KJV, I always want to say, 

"Why don't you go suck an old white man's dick."

And why do I say that? Well, in Jim-Vo's explanation of why the KJV is not only the best book ever, he also explained by other "versions of the Bible" are not only not worth reading, but are actively bad. The main two reasons are these: 

First, the newer translations are not old enough. They are "written" recently, at *secular universities* by...

and here's part two

liberal professors, women, some of whom are Muslims. That's right, the Islam is coming from inside the house.

Basically, the problem is that instead of transcendent, divinely inspired scholars, the non-KJV translations of the Bible are done by the forces of evil, namely those who don't look and act exactly like Jim-Vo.

So basically, the whole discussion of the KJV has nothing to do with the Bible, but is in fact an honoring of old, white maleness.

So really, would fellatio not just be a simpler, easier way for folks like Jim-Vo to show off how much that love old, white maleness?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I guess that sounds a little mean on my part. Maybe I'll be more loving towards my fellow human beings in the morning.

Comments

[Thel]

Oh, this takes me back! I went to a private high school that required us to use the KJV only. I hadn't heard the eevil sneaky Muslim theory, though! Of course, back when I was in high school, fundies hadn't yet become so obsessed with Islam.