Well friends, I spent the afternoon of my Memorial Day at the movies. It was either that or go to my unit's Bar B Q, and as much as I love those folks, I see plenty of them without spending my days off with them.
I was trying to decide whether I wanted to catch the Wolverine movie or the new Terminator one. I went to see Terminator. It was upsettingly bad.
Seriously, how do you spend that much money to make a movie with absolutely nothing new to offer? And I don't mean that it was the standard old "Hey, these ideas and basic story elements have worked in the past, why don't we use them again" kind of thing. No, no, this movie was straight up fan fiction.
It took me about half an hour to realize it, but that's what was going on with the movie. If you happen to watch this, this... thing, here's a little drinking game for you:
First, sneak in a couple of beers(you're going to need six or seven per person) and take a very small sip anytime a famous line from one of the original two Terminator movies is awkwardly used. Take a second drink if the actor emphasizes the line in a way that makes absolutely no sense in the context of the story, just to make sure the audience hears it.
Second, take a drink when a character makes decisions that make exactly zero sense from a tactical perspective, despite that character having been made out as a tactical genius. This might include the robots not killing their big, game-winning target even when there is absolutely nothing preventing them from doing so. This might include the human tactical genius making an open, worldwide radio transmission outlining the details of the big, secret attack that was about to go down on the robots. This might include... well, almost every element of this movie's idiot ball plot.
Then, take a drink when you recognize a robot from another big name, non-Terminator movie or television show. This is really where you might want to think about bringing along the second six pack. You're going to see Transformers, Cylons, the weird hunter-killers from The Matrix, and others besides. Somehow director "McG" forgot the clunker from Lost in Space, but I'm pretty sure he'll showed in the DVD extended cut.
And finally, take a drink when the movie is doing everything it can to tell you that there's a big, emotional moment happening, but once again it is utterly unclear why you as a viewer should care. The last fifteen minutes in approximately 97% comprised of such moments.
You very well might need your stomach pumped after this one. It just, it hurts me.
Haha. Nice one. Aside from the movie, I'm looking forward in trying out the game as well. I heard it's better than the movie. Speaking of games, I submitted an entry for a contest that can win me 500,000 gold just by simply giving a name to the twitter pig! You can try your luck as well, just visit: http://www.wowgoldpigpen.com/twittercontestform/
Posted by: Sefiro | June 03, 2009 at 08:13 AM