You know what's awesome? Working the night shift. You see, Dear Reader, in the Army often the big stumbling block between you and a job well done is a gaggle of officers and NCOs determined to complicate your life. A lot of this ethos comes from the Army's great love of doing things “The Army Way” as opposed to the “efficient way” or the “way most likely to achieve success.”
Today, for instance, I was prevented from doing more of my most basic and common duties for a good hour because one of my officers(the Fat Captain naturally) felt the need to chew me out over my lack of responsibility. Now certain, I am a capricious and lazy creature, but here's the incident that raised the captain's ire today: The Fat Captain had sent one of his underlings, a specialist over in the S1, to the shoppett(for you non-Army folks, it's a tiny PX. Or convenience store. Basically an Army convenience store) to pick him up some Copenhagen brand chewing tobacco(that's the only brand the Fat Captain will use. He's claims he doesn't dip, he just uses Copenhagen brand chewing tobacco). After the specialist returned with the Copenhagen brand chewing tobacco, he couldn't find the Fat Captain. The Fat Captain, you see, has a habit of running off for a few hours in the morning and a few more in the afternoon. It's pretty awesome.
Anyway, the specialist found me, and asked if I knew where the Fat Captain was, and that if I saw him, would I please tell him that the Copenhagen brand chewing tobacco was in the possession of the specialist. I said that I was not sure where the Fat Captain was, but that I would let him know that the specialist was looking for him when I saw him.
Well, a few hours later I was working the night shift(yeah, when we get shorthanded I often have to work both shifts. It is real, real cool.) when the Fat Captain came up to me and asked about his chewing tobacco. I told him that the specialist had it. The specialist had gone back to te barracks for the night before the Fat Captain had returned to his office.
Well.
So, the Fat Captain was without his Copenhagen brand chewing tobacco. It's been a while since I quit smoking(now I only do it while I'm drunk, I swear!), but man, I know it's unpleasant when the body is calling out for nicotine. Still, I don't think that justifies what happened next.
The Fat Captain spent fifteen minutes chewing me out for not taking the chewing tobacco from the lower enlisted fellow and holding onto it for him. The captain felt that it was somehow my responsibility to ensure that his powdered-donut-absorbing ass got ahold of his mouth cancer inducer with all speed.
Now, the Fat Captain is not my boss. He is not in my chain of command. The only connection we have is that his office happens to be on the same hall as mine, and he outranks me. Outside of that, we have no connection. It is not my job to look out for his chemical needs. It is not my job to organize the tobacco supply chain into his body. I have a lot of other shit going on. I am not his babysitter.
But being a captain, he assumes I and all the other NCOs and lower enlisted in this unit, exist for no other reason to serve him. Not to serve all the officers, but to serve the very special and specific needs of Fat Captain, and Fat Captain only.
Anyway, here's why I like working the night shift: I can actually perform my duties while individuals like Fat Captain are curled up in their bunks. I can do my job without the worry that I'm really supposed to be doing is tracking down cigarettes and energy drinks for somebody who happens to get paid a little more than me.
I came on this deployment to do my job. I love my job, even when it's difficult. What really, really pissed me off is when folks try to prevent me from working by trying to inject inane bullshit into my happy little world.
Combat Queer out.
Hi, not quite germane to this post, but I stumbled across your blog via Feministe. I too was in the Army, came out as trans, and was discharged.
In a nutshell, I wasov a reservist 92Y, got reclassed as a 97E, and got sent to DLI to learn Korean. While I was there I started transitioning rather secretly, came out as trans, and was discharged for it-my last day was November 27, 2007.
Anyhoo, would love to chat it up sometime-sorry for the fast intro, I can see why you don't have any contact info listed, so I guess this has to count as my little intro.
Amanda
Posted by: Amanda | June 08, 2009 at 01:09 AM
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Posted by: Amanda | June 08, 2009 at 01:10 AM